To my horror, I found that there were whole realms of questions that led to other questions, all which I could think of few or no answers to. Ill never forget the time he privately told me he spanks his wife like you would a child when she gets out of line.. My inquisitive mind couldnt ignore the inconsistencies I was seeing.. But, in fact, I saw judgement practiced all the time by Christians. I thought of the countless scandals in the churches I attended. (i.e. I cant overstate the importance of licensed therapy. I tried to console myself with the thought that Christianity only resembles a scam by some sheer coincidence. My mom immediately tried to come up with a plan where I wouldnt have my sons overnight based on the age-old Christian prejudice that gays prey on children. Anytime someone told a story Terrys presence, hed have one in the chamber to one up. Please try again, or email me at. So now I am an agonistic atheist (but still in the closet to my fundamentalist family members though they know I'm not a hardcore fundamentalist and haven't been for some time). I'm not sure that we can be 100% certain of anything for that matter. I couldn't find a job, so I tried to make a go of it and started my own business, which is incredibly stressful as it is. I felt like I hardly belonged, and I feared for my salvation for a while. Curious why I was not experiencing the spiritual power I read in the Bible I still couldnt turn off my sexuality and why I didnt see this power in my fellow churchgoers, I began exploring other denominations. Philosophy is a set of core beliefs about how to interpret the world and life experiences, the perspective to gain from them, and the way to respond. He makes many things to be sin so it is easy to sin, even accidentally. To a lot of people, the idea of condemning someone for getting a divorce is unthinkable, but discriminating and denying rights to people based on their sex, gender, or race is acceptable. Love podcasts or audiobooks? Endless torture would await us by default, We most likely wouldnt find or accept the loophole in our lifetime. Of course they never did think it was magical. Christianity is "the religion derived from Jesus Christ, based on the Bible as sacred scripture, and professed by Eastern, Roman Catholic, and Protestant bodies." Christianity is the largest religion in the world with over 2.4 billion adherents worldwide. This can cause people to go to hell. There were too many questions, like "is this ok?" We're sinners because our great-great-great-great-great-times-a-thousand grandparents pissed off God by eating an apple. The church system of man is the playground of satan and those baptized into it think (because they are told) that it is if Christ but it is not. By growing up always surrounded by conservative Christians, I used to always hear only their side to every religious or political argument. The decision of what went into them was made by man alone. I could depend on them to be there if I needed them. But if somehow you can defend that He would, He could have made it temporary and bearable or He could have made it so that humans would never end up there. Perhaps it may be useful for others. Daily, we receive messages saying how the work we are doing is changing lives, and Im so grateful to see affirmation and healing grow from my negative experiences. What if we could quell those fears by delegating responsibility to an even greater power? I started to go to a licensed (Christian) therapist who introduced me to a book on Spiritual Abuse, which helped me see their behavior for what it was. It never felt like an option until the end. The bible makes it very clear that humans should never judge other humans. There are dozens and dozens of other conclusions I came to about Christianity and religion in general, but it would take me forever to write them all down. rather than "what can I accomplish?". After the event, I knew the organizers would receive piles upon piles of angry emails, and I made an attempt to curve the anger away from them by writing a Facebook note, and circulating it on social media. They just love themselves. Really it just feels more authentic. But he has a bevy of experience in Naptown. But my faith gripped harder. Before experiencing spiritual abuse from the elders at Rockport, I had a pastor who swindled money and had to hightail it out of town, only to be hired by a church in Vegas he had connections to. None of these things make any sense or have any reasonable answer if you are looking at them from the perspective that Christianity is true and God is omnipotent, omniscient, all-loving, perfectly just, and merciful. I didn't believe in any gods before this and started looking into Christianity because of AA. clearly you have found the fire you lacked as a christian. Oh man, I'm brand new to this site - and your experience reflects my own almost to a tee. Like the lesson I learned so long ago, it is difficult, but so right to exist in the liminal experience that is being able to be wrong, and being willing to learn from one another, and, like that speaker at that event taught me, have the courage to hold your faith and ideas in an open hand, and truly see what it is they are made of. He always supported and encouraged me, but I think I lacked that understanding of masculinity in that tough-guy, no-nonsense conquer-the-world sense.. The costs of sustaining very large organizations also shifts their focus. God exists. People were thanking me for being so open, and kids were confiding in me, and telling me their struggles, and how they were not sure of what they believed in, and why. My mother and my sisters were great, but who was I meant to be? Because it's a religion where self-hatred is noble and where God cannot be questioned. They see more harm than good being done in the name of Jesus. The Lord, or so I thought, called me to full-time ministry during youth group summer camp between my Freshman and Sophomore years. God wasn't a god of the rich and powerful, but a god of the outcast and enslaved, who freed oppressed people and stood for the rights of the downtrodden. I agree. I was sick to my stomach, and at that point I started a 10 year "break from religion". whatever u believe now apart from Jesus it takes faith to believe it why not apply Hebrew 11vs6. I like reality because it's interesting and because it's real. "You are very condescendingly implying that I do not care about reality.". I clung to my beliefs even harder. Theyd speak of how much God blessed them in different ways. God lets Christians and non-Christians alike to sometimes die young. Yet God chooses to create people who are mentally incapable of understanding it. But over time, my attraction to the welcoming fellowship, the high moral standards, the reassuring divine promises, and the ready supply of answers to my deepest questions, overcame my misgivings. I began reading countless debates on creation and evolution online, and I also tried to defend my belief in young earth creationism in the comment sections. That is what I want to call "him" by. It appeared like religion prevents a person from thinking critically about many things - keeping them in a self-perpetuating way of thinking that is almost unable to correct itself. All of our paper waste is recycled and turned into corrugated cardboard. Students were thoroughly indoctrinated with young earth creationism, the doctrines of salvation/sin/grace/hell/etc. Some arguments against Christianity seemed solid at first, but after researching them, much to my relief it turned out that they were very flimsy. I don't argue with reasons. So underprivileged people hold on to this belief with the hope of a better afterlife. I punished my body with hunger and with snapping rubber bands on my wrists in the exact spot where the nails held Jesus to the cross. "Currently, I have doubts about whether evolution could be unguided.". I still wanted to believe in the Bible, but it was becoming difficult. Or they would give an answer that relies on circular reasoning. Great Hub! The way things are going for me, I can see myself becoming a complete atheist in the future. e.g. This is the unique name that makes the evil minded people afraid and feel unhappy. Family conflicts. The more I read the Bible, the less sense it made to me. So I was suddenly finding myself in a constant year-long debate against what felt like everybody I came into contact with, because the form of Christianity I subscribed to, was different than their form of Christianity. These were people who sought a comfort zone. But why would He want to do this? Sparklea from Upstate New York on March 05, 2012: You made incredible points in this excellent hub. In how Christians behave in their private lives, versus in their church lives. I am disappointed in the churches I was in and how they failed to teach me compassion, and failed to be a safe place for the oppressed and marginalized, but rather continued to be institutions that perpetuated colonialism, capitalism, and patriarchy. Congratulations. This is only one instance in which science trumps the Bible. God chose to make his plan for salvation dependent on a persons ability to understand His gospel message. It never felt like an option until the end. Mikal Smith from Vancouver, B.C. Ive said Hail Marys. Then I soon became antireligious. Very informative, and very true. I wanted to connect with God in every way possible, and to learn why there were so many different views on how this is best done. 7) Love no one more than God God is the first and only. Jesus says all u need is a mustard seed of faith to move mountains , yet millions of ppl (i'm assuming) from all faiths have prayed for this never ending sickening famine to end, but it doesn't. More recently, my friend Jamie Lee Finchs book, You are Your Own had me saying, Yes, that was me too, on every page. Knowing that wasnt my own experience, I combatted acting on my attractions by dissociating from my body and my sexuality. Wouldnt it be even more Jesus-like if I was the one directly trying to help people rather than delegating that to someone I didnt know?. Therefore, if youre a devoted Christian, and wouldnt you want to tithe automatically? Soon, maybe too soon, well be out in the world, away from the protection of our parents, and confronted with a big pile of self-responsibility. My mother and father raised my sister, brother and I to believe that Jesus was the Messiah, the "son of God". Those leaving their religion need to know exactly why they are leaving or they will never be certain they made the right choice. All three were important to me in developing my sense of self, and who I wanted to become. If I deeply psychoanalyze myself, Id guess that there was probably some impact of not having a father from ages 4 to about 10ish. As for myself, the more I study religion, the more absurd Christianity seems to me. I am a Christian, and will remain so, but I have to agree with what you said. The great writer Mark Twain dreamed of a day when religion would lose its stranglehold on civilization and perhaps we are on the very threshold of that dream. Many, many sexual abuse situations had come to light over the years in my churches, some reported to officials and others not. In developing my sense of self, and at that point I started a year. Christian, and wouldnt you want to call `` him '' by likely. 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